


Why don't you want me?

by abraxos_is_toothless



Series: Learning Eachother and Learning to Love [11]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew Minyard Loves Neil Josten, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drunk Neil Josten, Drunk calls, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Jealous Neil Josten, M/M, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, emotional boys, they say i love you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26165872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abraxos_is_toothless/pseuds/abraxos_is_toothless
Summary: Neil is tired of Andrew ignoring him and decides to confront him- he doesn't like what he sees and does something dumb. A year after Andrew has graduated and Neil is now pro too. Set before 'Can't Help Falling in Love' in this series.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: Learning Eachother and Learning to Love [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772548
Comments: 6
Kudos: 165





	Why don't you want me?

**Author's Note:**

> Your girl wrote angst, but with a happy ending, because I can’t deal otherwise:)
> 
> (Neil gets a bit drunk in this, so ignore the way I did the drunk dialogue. I tried. Also it may seem like he got sober fast before from experience, it can happen in situations.)
> 
> Just a note to let you all know that uploading might me slow for a while but I’m still here, I’ve not gone anywhere!

Neil was so, so fucking done. Andrew hadn’t been talking to him. He knew it was hard for them both, being stuck on different pro teams, but they were fighting to fix that. At least, he had thought they were. The video calls stopped first, Andrew saying he was too tired, or that he wasn’t available. Then their usual phone calls dropped from nearly every day, to once a week, to once a fucking month. Neil tried talking during those calls, asking Andrew everything he could think of.

_How was your day?_

_Have you eaten?_

_How was practice?_

_What are you doing today; it’s your day off of practice right?_

And still, fucking nothing. Andrew would give him just a few, short words in answer, or the occasional hum. The texts were the same, just the one or two words; answering days after Neil had sent them, never sending any of his own. Which is why he was here now, standing outside of Andrew’s apartment building, on the opposite side, watching Andrew stood outside _talking to another man_. Andrew didn’t talk to anyone, not unless he had to, only Neil. Or so he’d thought. Coming out to New York was a difficult decision to make, knowing Andrew liked his space, but he thought something could be seriously wrong. Turns out, it looked like he just didn’t want Neil anymore. He wanted nothing more than to storm over there, show Andrew that he was here and demand answers, but then the ‘what ifs?’ started. What if Andrew was happy now? What if he didn’t care how Neil felt? _What if, what if what if._

And so he turned and walked away, willing himself not to cry, not to be weak, before shifting into a run. He ran as fast as he could, probably faster than he’d ever run and he didn’t stop until he came across a club. Fuck it. If Andrew wanted to forget about him, then he could go and forget him, too. It was crowded inside, and people were touching him from all sides as he made his way through to the bar. It made his skin crawl. If it were Eden’s and Andrew was with him, nobody would be touching him. He found an empty seat, away from everyone and signalled the bartender. He ordered ten shots of vodka in one go. The dark haired woman behind the bar raised a brow, eyes running over his form before she did as he’d asked. Neil took them all in quick succession, the alcohol burning his throat on the way down, but it was a better feeling than the other burning behind his eyes.

If Andrew could just let it all go, then he could too, right?

oOoOo

His eyes were fuzzy, the lights too bright. He needed out, he needed...

Oh the outside. That was dark and cold. Cold was good. He couldn’t have warm anymore. The warmth in his life was gone. Didn’t like him now.

His legs were shaky and he stumbled. When did he move to stand? Someone shouted as he pushed through the door. Did they not like him either?

He was holding something, there were buttons. Buttons were fun. Then something was by his ear and there were sounds. Phone call. He was calling someone but whom?

There was no one for him to call.

He was alone.

oOoOo

Andrew groaned as he rolled over in bed, praying to whatever god that existed that his phone was not ringing right now. Reaching over, he pulled the charger out angrily, squinting at the screen lighting to read the name and time. It was 2am and Neil was calling him. Neil never called like this, ever. The sight of his name made Andrew’s chest ache, but he couldn’t think of that right now. Answering he said with only a little heat in his voice, “Josten, you better be dying, calling me at this time.” There was nothing on the other end for a moment, until someone hiccupped and there was a slight giggle.

“I b-bet yo-you wis-sh swish that I-I was dyi-ing.” Was he drunk?

“Neil, what the fuck have you done?” There were some scuffling sounds, like he was moving, a few clinks from empty glass bottles.

“I-I saw yo-you with that-t man.” Saw him? He was in New York? Oh fuck, this could not be real.

“Where are you, Abram? I need you to tell me where you are, okay?”

“D-don’t c-ca-ll me t-that. You a-aren’t ‘llo-wed no m-more.” That hurt, more than it should have, and fuck did it hurt. He needed to get to him, he was vulnerable like this. And alone. Andrew hoped he was alone. There was that stupid tracking app on his phone. It was put there so Andrew wouldn’t be at a loss again, like he was when Neil was taken to Baltimore. If Neil wouldn’t tell Andrew where he was, Andrew could look for himself. The idiot probably didn’t even know it was turned on.

“Stay where you are. Don’t move, I’m coming.” He hung up before Neil could say anything more; scared that he’d say something else that would hurt him. Something his drunken mind couldn’t take back. Looking on the app on his own phone linked to Neil’s, he saw that the stupid fool was at a club a few blocks from Andrew’s apartment. Dressing quickly and slipping on his shoes, he gathered his keys and an extra jacket, just in case, before making his way down to the car.

It didn’t take him long to get to the club, nor did it take long to find Neil. He was sat on the curb outside of the club, quietly mumbling to himself about ‘psycho blondes’. Yeah, that wasn’t obvious. Remembering what Neil had said earlier about using ‘Abram’ he opted for the safer route when he called out to him. “Neil?” The other man’s head snapped up, squinting at him, and his body swayed from side to side a little.

“Go ‘way. Don’t need ‘elp.” When he was close enough, Andrew crouched down in front of Neil, cautiously reaching out a hand. Neil never said ‘no’, didn’t try stopping him, just watched as Andrew slowly took one of his hands in his own.

“What are you doing in New York, junkie?”

“Y-you don’t t-talk. I wan’ed check-” he hiccupped a little and his lower lip began trembling. Andrew had never seen him drunk like this. Because he had gotten drunk with Andrew alone before, and eventually with the rest of the foxes once he’d felt comfortable enough. But he’d always been happy and full of laughter or, he was very grumpy if they were playing a game, because he wasn’t coherent enough to win one. This person in front of him, this was not who he’d come to know and love. “W-who was ‘e?”

“Who?”

“The m-man.” Oh. That was what he meant on the phone earlier.

“We’re not talking about this here, not like this. Let me get you back to the apartment, get some coffee in you.” Andrew carefully pulled Neil up with him so they were standing, arms going around Neil’s waist when it looked as though he might fall. They ended up in a familiar embrace, something Andrew had realised how much he missed it until it was happening. And he did, he did miss holding Neil, whether it be cuddling on the couch as they watched a movie or spooning him at night, gently running his fingers up and down Neil’s forearm or wrapping around him as he made breakfast in the mornings. But they couldn’t have that right now.

Neil shivered in his arms but tried to pull away. “No.” It was like a bucket of cold water was dumped over his head, and let go of Neil as if the touch burned him, aching to reach back out when Neil stumbled backwards. He ended up leaning against the wall and sliding back down to the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, burying his head in the small gap they made. Andrew heard a choked off sob and felt as though someone was trying to carve his heart from his chest. He sounded a little more sober when Andrew heard him mumble, “Why don’t you want me?”

How on earth could he ever think that? All Andrew ever wanted in his goddamn life was Neil. He’d known since Baltimore that he couldn’t live a life without him. But that didn’t mean he wanted to have this conversation now, not like this. “Let me take you home, Abram.” When Neil’s head lifted, he hated the sight of tears running down his cheeks and expected to be told off for the name again. Thankfully, Neil just nodded and let Andrew help him to his feet once more. It was a slow walk back to the car and a little difficult to get Neil into the passenger seat, but he managed, brushing a few curls away from the idiot’s forehead before closing the door and making his way around the car. Andrew drove slowly back to his apartment, slower than he usually drove, not wanting to jostle Neil too much.

Neil looked as though he was almost asleep when they got there and it was harder getting him out of the car, than it had been to get him in. He was grateful that there was an elevator in the building. Neil wasn’t stumbling anymore and he seemed to have sobered some more after the slight doze but he was still groggy. Andrew kept one arm around him when the elevator reached his floor, digging in the pocket of his sweats for his keys, missing the lock a couple times when he finally had them. Taking Neil straight to the bedroom, Andrew laid him down on the side away from the wall, pulling off his shoes and his jeans. When he was satisfied, he left the room and made his way to the kitchen, pulling out a glass and filling it with water. Letting himself lean against the counter for a minute, Andrew started breathing in and out as Bee had taught him years ago. He was still reeling a bit from when Neil had told him no, and hadn’t really let his brain process. Once he felt a bit calmer, and more sure of himself, he picked up the glass of water and walked back to his bedroom. To Neil. The redhead wasn’t where he’d left him, instead, he upright with his legs over the side of the bed, holding a photo frame. The one that was now missing from the bedside table, that Andrew knew was of the two of them, the day after their first time. Neil had taken it; they were sat in bed, both of them shirtless, Neil in between Andrew’s legs and back against his chest.

He never looked away from the photo as Andrew approached, not even when he was close enough and crouching on the floor again, trying to hand him the glass. When he didn’t move to take it Andrew sighed, putting it on the table instead, tentatively resting a hand on Neil’s knee. This was all up to him to start it looked like. He knew why Neil was here, he just asked because he’d been scared to admit it. “I didn’t mean to stop talking, Abram.”

He watched Neil’s beautiful, scarred hands grip the frame tighter, squeezing his eyes closed. His voice was a soft whisper when he spoke, but it felt loud in the quiet and dark room. “Then why?”

“Because it’s hard, Neil, so fucking hard. All I want is to have you here, with me. To fall asleep with you, and wake up with you every day. I love you, and it hurts. It hurts to talk to you, because I don’t get to have you.” Neil was crying again and he hated himself. He didn’t want him to cry, he wanted to make it all better. He took Andrew’s hand that was on his knee, and for a moment he thought it was to push him away. But he held his breath when Neil brought it up to his neck.

“I thought we were past this, ‘Drew. I thought we were done hiding.”

“I’m sorry, I just, I didn’t know how to deal with it. I felt like everything was falling apart,” Because he had. He felt like he was spiralling with no control over anything.

“You made me promise to call if shit like that happened to me, so I want you to promise the same to me now. Never again Andrew, I won’t be able to take it if you do.” Andrew nodded, pushing himself up onto his knees, face only an inch away from his partner’s, lips just a hair's breath away.

“I promise, junkie.” Neil looked as though he was going to move, eyes flickering to Andrew’s lips quickly, but he muttered a quick ‘yes or no?’ instead. Andrew answered with a litany of yes, yes, yes and closed the distance between them. This, this was home, was comfort, was everything he’d be craving for desperately for months. It was soft, sweet, gentle and neither of them tried to deepen it. That wasn’t what this was about; it wasn’t what was needed just then. It was just the two of them, finding their way back. They pulled apart after what felt like years, both panting, chests heaving. Neill pulled on Andrew’s hands, leaning backwards into the bed. He stood, discarding his sweats, leaving himself in just a shirt and boxers like Neil and climbed over him into his spot beside the wall. When they were settled and comfortable, pressed up close and facing each other, Andrew tangled their legs and pressed their foreheads together.

Just the feeling of Neil’s weight in the bed after so long, the familiar sounds of his breathing and soft touches Andrew let himself drift. He was almost there, eyelids heavy when Neil whispered into the space between them, “Who was he?” Ah yes, this was probably the reason Neil had gone to the club, instead of just coming in to talk to him.

“Don’t do that to yourself. It was Riley, he’s on the team. I’ve had a few nightmares lately and practice was too much today. I left in a rush, and didn’t realise I’d dropped my cigarettes and my wallet. He was just stopping by to drop them off and to say that coach wanted me to take a few days off.” Neil nodded but he was no longer looking at him, eyes lowered and his hands were playing with an exposed thread on the duvet. Andrew cupped Neil’s cheek in his hand, brought his head back up, leaning forward to press kisses to both his cheeks, and then his nose. “I love you, only you. Always you, Abram.”

“I love you too. Always.”

Sleep came easy to them both that night and Andrew finally felt whole again, felt as though he could finally fucking breathe.

No nightmares, no waking up in cold sweats and feeling phantom touches.

Just dreams of _this, this, this._

**Author's Note:**

> Ah the feels, oh how they hurt. Comments and Kudos are appreciated:)   
> Until next time, my loves<3


End file.
